It's been such a long time since I've revisited my own blog, my own past. Lately, I've been experiencing a lot of complicated, overwhelming dreams that keeps me from feeling refreshed and well-rested when I rise in the morning. Why do I keep having these odd, weird dreams? Why can't I sleep well like others...sometimes I want to know what exactly am I worried about? What exactly is my subconscious self wanting to tell me? I've been told that I'm "gimped"....born on the slight side of mal-nutrition, I can't disagree with the fact that I am gimped but lately, I am starting to be very concerned....I'm not exactly old; in fact, I am just starting my life -- well another stage of life....and I'm encountered with so many things that just scares me...the future (somehow) feels hopeless and stressful. My recent optimistry visit told me that my eyes are elongating which means the nerves inside my eyes are stretching and if I ever do see a white light, it means the nerves are weak or broken....does that mean I'd be potentially blind? I've recently discovered that one of my teeth is splitting...now I'm no kid...a fallen tooth means a tooth gone forever....I dont want to lose a tooth...what to do? My hives have been controlled somehow so that's good, but I think I am developing asthma as I find it very difficult to breathe, especially when I am doing cardio :( I am losing a lot of hair lately and everyone is telling me that I am going bald....I'm not exaggerating but the top of my head does look a little bald right now. I'm only 25...what will the next few months be like? *tears* I've been exercising more lately but on some days, I feel bloated and not to exaggerate, some days when I look in the mirror, I even think that I am pregnant. It's like my stomach is a balloon or something that it can expand 10 times within a day and shrink down again. The only downside is that it expands and rarely shrinks and no I am not pregnant!! *tears* I can't express how worried I am about my healt and my appearance...what if I do go bald? what if I do become blind? what if I do have asthma? what if I am slowly losing my teeth one by one? Are these possible or am I just overly concerned? I know that compared to others in third world country or even some in my own city, I am very fortunate. I really do. But I still can't help but to think how and why the world is so unfair...some people take advantage of their lives and waste it. There are people like my brother who doesn't even brush their teeth yet have healthy teeth. There are people who don't even exercise and have a stronger heart than I do. I shouldn't complain but why? Sometimes I think that life may be too short and unpredictable that I should just travel and explore the world before I do become blind and lose this chance....but then, it's not exactly the best way to live life -- spend everything I have. I'm currently dating a guy....he's very nice and I love him but the future of us....I can't seem to see and that is because I can't even see a future of my own. | 